The Lure of the Pub – Song Description
“Every vow that Patrick made collapsed in full retreat.” This is the most purely comic song in the whole collection, and I don’t think it’s trying to be anything else, but there’s a small honest observation buried in the structure of it. The vow gets made new every single morning, and broken every single evening, and the song never treats the breaking as the real event. It treats the making as the real event — a private ritual of hope that doesn’t actually need to survive contact with the evening in order to matter to the man renewing it. I think a lot of resolutions work exactly this way, and we’re usually too embarrassed to admit it. We don’t keep making promises to ourselves because we expect this time to be different. We keep making them because the moment of making one, however briefly, feels like the version of yourself you’d rather be. Patrick fails every single day in this song, and I don’t think the song judges him for it once. Neither, in the end, do I.
Verse 1
Old Patrick rose at half-past six
His head was full of pain
He looked into the bathroom glass
And swore off drink again
“No more stout and no more whiskey
No more songs till half-past ten
I’ve quit a hundred times before
And now I’ll quit again”
Chorus
But the lure of the pub came calling
Like a fiddle in the night
And before the kettle finished boiling
Patrick’s will gave up the fight
“Oh maybe just the one,” said Patrick
“Just to see who’s hanging round”
But every road in County Kerry
Seemed to lead him into town
Verse 2
He made it nearly forty minutes
Feeling stronger than before
Then remembered Seamus owed him cash
From sometime back in ’04
“That’s not drinking,” Patrick said
“I’m only collecting pay”
Yet somehow there was stout before him
Before the close of day
Verse 3
He took the dog out for a walk
To clear his aching head
The dog stopped right outside the pub
And simply sat instead
“Smartest dog in Ireland,”
Patrick proudly did declare
Then bought the dog a sausage roll
And sat beside him there
Chorus
For the lure of the pub came calling
Like a fiddle in the night
And before he knew what happened
He’d abandoned every fight
“Oh maybe just the one,” said Patrick
“Just to pass an hour or two”
But every pint he ever started
Always somehow turned to two
Verse 4
At three o’clock he passed the door
Determined not to stay
Then somebody said there’d been a row
And curiosity won the day
“I’ll only watch,” said Patrick
As he stepped in from the rain
Three hours later he was singing
And swearing off drink again
Verse 5
The priest walked by and tipped his hat
And Patrick thought it odd
“I should go in and have a word
About my soul with God”
The priest was only passing by
On business of his own
But Patrick felt that one small pint
Would help him make it home
Verse 6
One Thursday he stayed clear all day
The village buzzed with doubt
People searched the lanes and fields
To see where he’d got out
Then Patrick marched in proudly
Just before the evening bell
“I’ve not been here since yesterday!”
The crowd all cheered him well
Final Chorus
For the lure of the pub came calling
Like a fiddle soft and sweet
And every vow that Patrick made
Collapsed in full retreat
“Oh maybe just the one,” said Patrick
For the thousandth time or more
And everybody in the county
Knew what was coming sure
Final Verse
At midnight Patrick stumbled home
And gently closed the gate
His wife looked up and shook her head
As if resigned to fate
He raised a finger to the heavens
And spoke both loud and clear
“That’s it now boys, I’ve had my last…”
Then winked and drained his beer
Lyrics Michael Forty
Voice Michael Forty